It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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