that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
