I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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