im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
