I just made out with a guy for $7.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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