we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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