turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
