If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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