Got a toothbrush?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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