He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
