Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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