I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
