By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
