your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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