Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
