where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
