we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
