last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
