it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
