ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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