i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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