Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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