if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
