I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
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Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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