He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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