i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.