It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
