I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
