If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC