evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow