whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
