Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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