So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
