chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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