It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
