You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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