I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
