I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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