I can't watch pbs sober anymore
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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