The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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