girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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