whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
