Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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