the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize