No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
