wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
