my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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