Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
