so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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