Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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