theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
