i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
