so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
