It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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