ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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