So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
