fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
