My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
