I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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