i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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