you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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