i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
