I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
