Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
