Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
