I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
soo... how was my night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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