Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
