her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
