I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
