I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
