then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
