do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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