you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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