I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was like eating out sand paper
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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