My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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