There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
