We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
