I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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