You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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