ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
