So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
