Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
