She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How's work?
Spinning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
