I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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