I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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